We loved this place. Brian and I were refreshed by the sight and sound of the sea.
In the early years we walked the beach together, stopping frequently to pick up shells that caught our attention. Very few people were encountered on our walks.
Only a handful of apartments in our building were occupied. We relished our peaceful existence, a 20 minute drive from the town where we not only did our shopping, but also found a church home.
It was on this beach, as I communed with God, that I first felt the stirrings to write. Inspiration flooded my heart and mind. Brian and I discussed these simple things that seemed to have deeper meanings. I wrote down the thoughts so I wouldn’t forget.
We often walked in companionable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. At some point during the walk Brian would turn to me and ask, “What song is going through your mind?” There was always a praise song at that moment, sometimes even the same as the one in his mind.
In later years we walked separately. I couldn’t keep up with his long strides when he was desperate for exercise. Not wanting to hold him back, we made the decision to each go at our own pace. Brian was often gone for two hours, clocking 10-12 kms. On a good day, I did no more than half of that. Later we’d share experiences and insights from our individual walks.
These discussions often served as writing prompts. Brian was always on the lookout for story ideas to share with me. Sometimes he’d show me a picture he’d taken and say, “This would make a good story.” I’d ask how and he’d tie the pieces together. Once I said, “Maybe you should write the story.” Eyes twinkling, he smiled and said, “I think I just did!”
I’m back on our beach now. This time Brian is with me in spirit, but physically I’m on my own for the first time here. I didn’t know if I could do it but since he had made his desire for me to return very clear, I had to try.
The first week was emotional. The second week was a bit better but I wondered if this would be my last trip. I’m only a few days into my third week but something has shifted. I’ve re-entered the rhythm of life here. And what’s more, peace has filled my heart and mind.
I’ve resumed work on the book I started writing the last time Brian and I were here together. Inspiration started to flow as I took a morning walk along the beach, carrying my beloved in my heart.
Brian knew what I didn’t when he insisted I return. God has met me in this peaceful place, started healing my heart, and let me know the next chapter of my life is waiting to be written. I am grateful.
Tag: #God
Imperfectly Perfect
A strong north wind had been blowing for several days. My son and I had been waiting for more favourable conditions so we could scatter some of Brian’s ashes along the beach that meant so much to him.
Our time to do this was running out as C was flying home the next day. Despite the wind, we headed out just before sunset. Emotions ran high as we wondered how we would know the right spot to stop. Nothing was preplanned. This experience was totally led by our hearts.
I stopped in front of an abandoned house. The ravages of storms had taken their toll on this house, just as the ravages of disease had attacked Brian since his last time on this beach. Somehow this seemed like an appropriate place.
We each took a turn, standing close to the water’s edge as the waves came in, shaking some ashes from the cardboard scattering tube. The tube was covered with a sunset scene over water. So fitting for this time and place.
No matter how far I leaned over the water, the wind blew the ashes back onto the sand. With great insight, C said, “This is the way it was meant to be. Dad loved walking along the beach but didn’t like to go in the water.” Perfect.
Before we turned to go back home, I sent a message to Brian on the wings of the wind. I told him I would always love him and never let his memory deteriorate and be abandoned like the house on the beach behind us. His legacy of love would live on.
Darkness had almost settled over us as we walked back. I glanced behind me and saw the cloud had parted enough so we were able to witness a beautiful sunset over the water.
We may not have known what the time and conditions would be for this emotional and symbolic event, but God did and he worked everything out perfectly.
Lost Innocence
My thoughts and conversation were dominated by one subject. After asking how the situation was going, my friend said, “You’re grieving your loss of innocence.” I laughed and told her that at my age, innocence was long gone.
Her further explanation gave me a lot to think about.
We’ve been coming to the same area for many years. The people are friendly and respectful. We have shown trust and respect to them in return.
Recently, someone broke that trust and deceived us. We gave him the benefit of the doubt and worked at a resolution. Our efforts were ignored, leaving us with a loss of time, money and trust.
Perhaps we’d been foolish in our actions. We hadn’t had a bad experience up to this point and failed to exercise the caution we should have. My belief in the inherent goodness and honesty of all business people had been broken. My friend was right in her assessment. I’d been innocent and now my eyes were open.
Looking at the situation as a learning experience helped me release the negative feelings I was holding. I was able to let go of the bitterness and anger. My thoughts were no longer dominated by this matter and life became peaceful again.
It was an expensive lesson, but could have been much worse.
As I was thinking about how people who are trusting are sometimes deceived, the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden came to mind. They trusted the innocent looking serpent and allowed him to deceive them. That didn’t turn out well for them or for mankind.
The bottom line is, they didn’t talk to God before making a big decision. Neither did we. We trust He will take care of us, but failed to seek his guidance in this matter.
Maybe my loss of innocence was the only way for God to impress upon me the importance of trusting him and not my own limited understanding. In that case, the lesson was worth the price.
A Good Father
Once upon a time a man fell in love with a mother of two young children. A wedding took place and they became a family.
As the children grew, he was there to instruct and watch over them. They were nourished, cared for and disciplined when necessary. He loved his children. They loved him in return and knew he always had their best interests at heart.
Years passed quickly and the children became young adults. They were now old enough to make their own decisions. One day they approached their father with a question. “Will you legally adopt us?” they asked.
The man was overjoyed. He had always considered them to be his children. Now they wanted to officially state that they belonged to him.
This story flooded me with emotion. As a good father who had loved and taken care of these children for many years, the man now had the great joy of knowing the children were taking his name.
This man’s joy was an example of my Heavenly Father’s response when one of his beloved children comes before him with the same request.
I picture him rejoicing over each of his children who choose to be identified with His name. God’s arms are outstretched to receive us to himself. There is much more I could share about my Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him. For now, I’ll close by telling you, since I asked Him to make me one of His children, my life is more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined.
“Consider this: The Father has given us his love. He loves us so much that we are actually called God’s dear children. And that’s what we are.” 1 John 3:1
Stand Still
I almost missed it. In fact, if someone hadn’t pointed to the opposite bank of the creek, I would have remained unaware.
A Great Blue Heron stood perfectly still by the creek bank. Without movement, this large bird easily blended into the natural surroundings. The previous week, I had seen a heron flying low over this same body of water. Perhaps it was the same one. This time I had the opportunity to take a picture.
I thought of the patience needed to remain motionless for an extended period of time. Standing still is not easy. For the heron, this patience would pay off when it saw its next meal swim by.
For me, patience can stop me from rushing ahead and making foolish mistakes. Oh, if only this were as easy as it sounds!
Right now, it seems like I’ve been in a holding pattern for far too long. I wonder how much longer I need to stand still. What repercussions will I face if I rush ahead before the timing is right?
As I pondered these questions, the words of a favourite song flooded my mind. “Stand still and let God move. Standing still is hard to do. When you think you have reached the end, he’ll make a way for you. Stand still, and let God move.” I am once again reminded that my timing is not perfect, whereas God’s timing is.
Maybe I’ll take a lesson from the heron and practice my patience. That way, when the time to move ahead comes, I’ll be ready.